GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
Randomize
