are you still at the devil's house?
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
Randomize
