Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
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