I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
Randomize
