The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
Randomize
