my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
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