thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
what the fuck happened to the tacos
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