I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
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