He disabled his match.com account in front of me
I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
Randomize
