he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
Randomize
