so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
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