Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Randomize
