a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
Randomize
