Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
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