If that was your dad, he is hot
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
Randomize
