I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
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