Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
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