Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Randomize
