Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Randomize
