I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
Randomize
