Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
Randomize
