Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
