If that was your dad, he is hot
I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
Randomize
