That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
The adults are the big ones right?
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
Randomize
