Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
