Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
