Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
So gin and wine won't be happening again
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
Randomize
