that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
Randomize
