Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
how does that bad decision feel?
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
Randomize
