Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
Randomize
