I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize
