I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
Randomize
