apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
I wish i was in the wii world.
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
Randomize
