turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
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