when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
honey bunches of taint.
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
Randomize
