I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
Randomize
