Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
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