he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Randomize
