Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
