Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
I CAN MOONWALK!
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
Randomize
