awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
you told grandpa to call you daddy
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Randomize
