Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
Randomize
