Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
Randomize
