there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Randomize
