can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
Randomize
