I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
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