I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
Randomize
