Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
ok 1 i realized people actually live in central wisconsin and 2 culvers could be a good place to pick up chicks today
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
Randomize
