Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
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