Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
It's official drugs can't kill me
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Randomize
