Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
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