If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
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